Often, I declare my love to you.
Often, I make promises, full of certainty.
Often, I am so sure of my commitments.
Yet, fail in all, breaking your heart every day.
 
Can I ever love you just as you love me?
Can I ever learn to be more disciplined?
Can I ever look beyond my own desires?
Can I ever sacrifice enough to meet up?
Can I even at least try to push myself to do better?
 
Scared of becoming indifferent, I am,
of my heart devoid of remorse or love.
My conscience crushed, tears deformed,
and emptiness swallowed all that was once pure.
 
My love feels insufficient,
for I have become a hypocrite,
of that which I so much dire.
My fears playing out before me,
aware that I am playing with the grace that you have given.
 
Will I ever meet up again?
Will I ever be the same?
For I am in a dilemma,
of how you look at me now.
 Having failed like falling sand.
 
For your love, I do not deserve.
Should I expect you to understand?
that my weakness is my greatest enemy,
My flesh, a stumbling block.
 
My heart is broken.
For I have become like that which I hate,
Unable to bring you joy.
My faithfulness is shaky and frail.
 
I walk around with smiles on my face,
but inside, I‘m a hollow shell
A walking corpse pretending to live.
Your mercy I have taken for granted.
Your love, I have trampled on.

Please, take me back—
In all my filth and failure,
Wash me clean,
And give me strength to try again